I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
