Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
