he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize