He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
