I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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