I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
