everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
