i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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