I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
