His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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