do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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