im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
