you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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