did you get engaged???
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
