doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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