i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
