hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize