he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
