Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
COCAINE IS GR8
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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