I'm gonna have a badass scar
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
