she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize