Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
