I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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