I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
