After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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