I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
