why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
