So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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