Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
