I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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