I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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