Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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