I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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