And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
