I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
