I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
