all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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