is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
