They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
