You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
