Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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