no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
