thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
