I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
