Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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