Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
