I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
