I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize