he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
