I'm drive I can fine osifer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
