a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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