"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
