He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
