Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
