My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
