remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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