By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
