i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
