Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
