whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
