I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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