I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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