I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
