Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm jealous of your bromance
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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