I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
