I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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