Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
