The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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