dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
