u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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