Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
