If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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