I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
