I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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