Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize